311.5...........

Well, I managed to make it through the holidays and am currently a 1/2 pound away from my doctor's goal of 15 pound weight loss.  Last appointment (before Christmas, I hadn't lost any weight and they were pleased with that).  They said if I maintained my weight through the holidays, they would be happy.  well I managed to lose a half a pound.
The past two months (since I haven't blogged since November) have been very stressful.  My mom went with me to my December appointment. She got to ask questions and meet the surgeon.  I was thankful that both she and Matt wend with me on this visit.
The holidays, family deaths, friends (2) diagnosis of cancer and a very busy work place.  I have been not committed to exercise as I  should be nor have I been in the "mood" for losing weight, but some how I managed to do it.
Today I saw the nutritionist and the PA at the clinic and they advised me they dropped my weight loss goal from the 33 pounds down to the 16 pounds. I was shocked, surprised, disappointed and upset.  I know this doesnt make much sense, but let me explain.
Shocked.... They told me from the beginning I had to lose 10% of my total body weight.  They some how decided that 5% was enough and I have dropped my BMI below 50%.  UGH! Not by much, but I have done it. Small successes should be celebrated (I guess).
Surprised: Well because they had told me originally 33 pounds not 16.  I didnt think I would ever get there. I have been working hard, but not as hard as I probably should.  I was losing faith in myself quickly.  I was wondering if it was worth the challenge.  Somebody else had enough faith in me, I guess.
Disappointed:  I truly expected to lose 33 pounds and feel like maybe they think I cant do this.  Can I? Is that why they reduced it!  They say no. I have plateaued once again and they see this and recognize what I have done.  15 pounds, in MY opinion, is not a lot.  They say it is, but I say it is NOT.
Upset:  Really, I CAN do this. Just give me a chance to do it.  Wait, I dont have to have their permission to lose the extra 15 pounds, I can do this without it.  Right!?

So They will submit me to the insurance for Pre-certification/ authorization in the next few weeks.  Once this happens there are two options. YES : D or No :(.  And this waiting period will take about 3-5 weeks before we get an answer.  Once the answer has been given, we will have two routes to go.  Appeal the NO. or move forward with the surgery date which could be 4-10 weeks out from the approval.  Again, is this all worth is? I know this is a permenant deal. I just feel some days I am standing in a corner alone with this dilema and choice.

So here I am 15.5 pounds less than I was when i started this adventure.  Here's to another month of hard work, eating properly and working to attain my goal.

<3

Thirsty Thursday............. is OVER

At the beginning of these three days, I wasn't sure I would survive it. Chewing is such a big part of my every day, but the last three days; drinking, drinking, drinking and NO chewing.  Try it.. it gives you a whole new outlook on eating.
From these last three days I've learned a few things.  I like to CHEW.  I have learned (I knew it was there, but it really poured in) I have the most amazing support system I could ask for, both here and virtual.  Thank you all for your encouragement.
Tuesday,  I didnt think I was going to even make it through the day and half way through Wednesday I was like.. I got this.. And this morning I was thinking.. Is it really gonna be over today?! Yep, and I cant wait to eat tomorrow.  Although my breakfast is packed and consists of what I have had for the last three days!   I've also learned to analyze EVERYTHING I eat in the form of calories, carbs, protein and fats.  I never realized it and wasn't sure I could even do it, but ya know what.  Its easy now.  I know they say 21 days makes it a habit.  I only have 18 more to make it so, then it will be routine!

I have also realized that I LOVE to cook for my family and while it was hard.. It was awesome!
I've finished up my liquid days (for now) with a Greek Yogurt Skim Black Raspberry smoothie :)  as a treat to me.  I DID it. Im tired now from stressing about it the past three very LONG days, but I did it.

Monday is weigh in day, I'm a lil nervous about this appointment, but it is what it is.  This past month has been  a little hard and the exercise has not been up to par! Here's hoping the scales tip in my favor.
Love to you all <3

Liquidy Goodness

Well, I made it through another day. Surprisingly enough, this day was much easier than yesterday, which makes me believe that tomorrow will be a breeze.  Other than getting a ration of S*** from the guys I work with about the liquid and their colors I am eating during the day, use your wildest imagination. Today was good.  The key:  To not "graze" throughout the day, rather to ration my foods.  I had my black decaf tea at 730 and ate my breakfast at 9 am with a snack to follow at 11, then lunch at 12:30; water water water throughout the afternoon and my snack at 2:00 pm.

Now I am waiting for Matt to come home with a super soup he has made today.  I'm eager to try it.  I'm starving!  Its amazing how many calories one can drink.  I'm not sure how I will handle Friday when I can eat real foods again.. All I know is I am super pumped for Date night and Dinner out with my love.

Happy Hump Day!
Bonnie

Day one Done (Almost)

As I sit here with my black, decafinated coffee.. I feel good (sorta). Well, I've survived the first day of liquids, ALMOST.. Phew.  It was as hard as I expected, but a lot easier at work than at home; although I did have a mini freak out today and Matt was there to rescue and encourage me.
Encourage me to the fault of actually doing this with me, the liquid diet part anyway.    He brought me water and a variety of Crystal Lights!  What a guy! :)
I never really thought of all the liquids I could eat including soup and yogurt.  I did have Chicken Tortilla Soup for dinner with my yogurt.  I never thought THAT soup could be the consistency of  a cream soup.  Thank God for my Ninja.
I will tell you it was very hard NOT to pick at dinner when one was making Chocolate Chip Waffles and the other was having grilled cheese/ Quesadillas.  Not an easy feat at all, but I did it. And I am blessed to be dealt with a daughter who has such a great sense of humor as She chowed on these waffles and I drank my soup and yogurt.
 Now just down to my last "snack" for the night and that will come about 8 pm.
Just think,, tomorrow will be here before I know it.
<3

Emotions are pouring

Well today has been a day of emotions, up and down.
As I sat down tonight to create my next three days of liquid menu the emotions are pouring out of my
face.  I've questioned whether I should be doing this, IF I can do this, and what will happen when I
finally reach my goal.

We shall see.. Tomorrow morning begins the liquid diet begins for three days!

One month and Stuck

My postings are going to be a little more frequent in the next few months as much is going on. First let me go back before I can go forward.
My weight seems to be at a stand still, not that my scale is ever right (which is why I never owned one to begin with).  It is either WAY up or WAY down.  I hate that damn thing. Itss been one month since my last weigh in and I think I'm stuck.

The homework is a work in progress, but the liquid diet this week will be put in place.   Three days of eating sugar free, pureed finely and thinned liquids.  I know its part of the "practice" so I know what I will deal with when I have my surgery, but Im not sure I can do it.  I'm having so many mixed feelings right now.

Matt and I attended a support group for people who are pre-op and Post of from this surgery and wow.  They were an amazing group of candidates as well as support people.  I felt a little awkward at first, but once the talking started.. I seemed to fit in.  Amazing group of people!  I thought that requirement was kinda HOKEY, but ya know what. I think we are going back.  Its only once a month, but it made me feel so much better.  I love the that I have the support of most of my friends and most of my family, but these people get this all the way around.  They were all in different stages of their process from just beginning to FIVE years post op.  AMAZING .

One week till my next weigh in, which I am a little concerned with, AND three days this week of liquids.  Stay tuned.
Love to you all,

B

314 and falling...

I weighed in last week and continue to fall. I'm quite pleased with myself on this weigh in.  I was shocked actually that I lost anything at all. I didnt feel it in my clothes or in anyway shape or form.  I havent felt a change in any of the loss. I am over half way to my goal and STILL I sit in the same size pants/ shirts :/  THAT is frustrating.  I wonder if the scales are rigged?!  LOL.
     I sat in this FOUR hour long nutrition class. Where the hell was this class at the very beginning in June?  We talked about requirements for Fats, Sugars,  Protein and Carbs.  No foods with more than 8 total Fats, 8 Total Sugars, 20 total Carbs and at LEAST 70 gms of Protein a day!  UGH, I just fixed how I was eating with the calorie cutting to 1,000 a day, now I have SOMETHING else to watch.  Oh Jeez.  Is this worth it and can I really do this?
   I have homework too.  Yep, 23 years out of school and homework that requires eating. LOL  Never heard of it, but have to try.  I have to go on a THREE day full liquid diet to prepare myself for the ten day FULL liquid diet before my surgery date (which is to be decided in December).  THEN I have to create a menu of "blended foods"  aka baby food consistency for three days as a guideline for post op.  Again, I dont know if I can do this.  The only great thing is that my youngest daughter Victoria has said she will do the three day liquid with me and Matt said he would make sure after surgery I have what I need.  
God help me, I think I'm gonna need all the help I can.
    Next up, pre-certification on November 14th AND 14 more pounds to go........
Until next time,, :)