I just gave this link to a friend who is considering this surgery and realized that I had not written in 2 years. I guess I felt that I didn't need to detail my journey any more, but others are still reading and checking, but since Ive last posted I know that at least three of my friends have had the sleeve, and one had to undergo a full bypass as his sleeve failed. He also had the skin removal surgery. A surgery I teeter with weekly.
I have made some great friends who have walked this journey after me. They get it. Its nice to have that sometimes and sometimes I am glad people don't know where I use to be. I am ashamed that I let myself get there and have vowed to never get there again. Ever. A healthier me is my moto now. I'm happy to answering any questions or offer any support to those who are thinking of this journey, are walking this journey and need a pep talk, have had the surgery and need some reassurance that this was the right decision or just have been post op and need to compare notes. I will never pretend I know anything or what is right for you, I just know what is right for me and what worked for me. My email: momofkvkwa@facebook.
The last two years have been quite the journey! Let me start off by saying I am 182 pounds, which is 5 pounds less than it was at 18 months post op (my last blog post). Im holding my own. In the summer it drops about 15 pounds due to more activity, but I maintain and I'm ok with that.
I have learned what I can eat, what I can't eat, what I'm intolerable to and what I absolutely can't live without. I've also learned what I HATE and LOVE now. Its amazing how your taste changes after the surgery. Be prepared for it. I wasn't. Nobody warned me. I'm warning you.
I do not attend the FAHC support group meetings, they just dont work in my schedule, although I should go. I may make a difference for somebody else. I didnt have that and wished I did.
I have since gotten married, as most of you know in 2014 in a size 12 dress and went bra-less. What a feeling that was. There were cups built in, but no bra. . Never in my life have i ever been bra-less for any other reason than being lazy and not caring. lol . I have completed my third Semester at Norwich and am half way into my 5 year schooling to get my BSN. Food during school is definitely a challenge as I constantly still eat every 2 hours, so I am always eating in class it seems. Many of my classmates have no idea that I've been on this journey and probably think I just like to ALWAYS eat. I do, but I eat differently now.
I started running 2-3 times a week in the summer time about 2 -3 miles a wack. Anything more and I'm toast and get bored with it. Im not always good about running weekly nor am I good about faithfully exercising, but I am very active even if not in "structured exercise."
Last summer 2015, I ran the Dirty Girl 5k mud run in Killington. I ran it alone, but like this journey I had tremendous support again for my crazy idea. I ran it in approximately 45 minutes. I was so proud of myself. Who would have thought this fat girl would run a race. They were so proud of me and that was probably more important that I made them proud then actually completing it in record time. Next year I have recruited at least two that I know of already, to run with me. I am very excited.
I wont lie, this surgery saved my life, made me become a food nazi at everbody (which I believe I was entitled to force my new eating habits on to and wasn't), but it gave me a new lease on life. I have more energy to keep up with all of my children. I can wear cute underwear and sweaters. While all those seem really insignificant to many people, they are really huge NSV goals to me.
There are days that I wear those XL sweat pants and tshirt just so I dont have to go anywhere and can be comfortable again and blend into the crowd. Mind you I never leave the house in those clothes, but you get my drift. I try my best to be supportive and sensitive of those walking this journey. I was there, I know how it feels to be discouraged, to beat yourself up, and feel unworthy of this loss.
The other thing I won't lie about is, I still look in the mirror and see that fat girl every day. Its very hard to get my brain to not see her. She was like that for 20 years. I was comfortable hiding behind her. Now I have had to stand up, be accountable for all aspects of my life and watch everything as others often watch me. I didnt ask for that, it just happened. So I do my best to tuck my fat girl in my back pocket and let the new me shine through.
Happy 2016! Here's to a healthier YOU.
